One of my readers accused me of "doctoring" my photographs and in the interest of transparency and good journalism, I am publishing the photograph he sent me at left, along with the full contents of his email below. "
BULL JIVE!!!!
Little do you know Frank that I am friends with almost half of the three man Gulf Breeze Police Department. I had one of my buddies analyze your photo in the GBPD Crime Lab, and this is what it showed before you "doctored" it up. Nice try,
-StuMonkey
Little do you know Frank that I am friends with almost half of the three man Gulf Breeze Police Department. I had one of my buddies analyze your photo in the GBPD Crime Lab, and this is what it showed before you "doctored" it up. Nice try,
-StuMonkey
"
Gentle Readers, he is make reference to the blog entry I made on June 28th. I prefer not to expose you to this sort of thing, but thought it best to do so as I of course would never hide anything from you, even if it is untrue.
4 comments:
Stu: Did you look at that reflection in the rear view mirror before you sent this? It cost a bundle to restage that photograph and you overlook the one detail that incriminates us! If the Feds see that they are going to get us for sure. Try rolling on the ground and convulsing if they try to drag you in.
Your friend on the inside,
Joe Patti
This is the biggest scandal to hit the blog since the Sowa ice cream hunt. I, for one, am as shocked as the passenger in the 4-Runner at this kind of behavior.
But how did Uncle Stuart end up in the rear view mirror? This is all very suspicious.
Megan:
You are not nearly as shocked or suspicious of the altered photograph as me and the passenger in the 4-Runner.
Let me explain the reasons why that can not be me operating the vehicle:
1. I do not drink $7.50 cups of Organic Shade Grown Double Expresso Latex Frappacino Grande coffee from Starbucks. I am more inclined to get my coffee from Circle K or Waffle House for 79 cents. On special occasions, I'll buy Folgers which is hand picked by Juan Valdez(It's the best part of wakin' up, Mountain grown, that's the richest kind, endorsed by Mrs. Olson and good to the last drop).
2. I do not own a Nikon D3 camera with a picture of a Maneki Neko in the LCD monitor. I still use a Kodak Brownie Instamatic and travel 20 miles to a drive thru photo lab to have the film developed.
3. I aways drive with both hands on the steering wheel positioned at 10 and 2 o'clock. (This position will minimize the risk of injury to your arms, hands and fingers in case your airbag deploys). Sometimes for fun though, I get a little wild and drive in the 9 and 3 o'clock position.
4. The person in the photo is not wearing a proper safety restraint device. "Click it or ticket" is the motto I live by.
5. I have not had that much hair on my head since 1984.
And to Anonymous I retort with the following:
1. Giuseppe "Joe" Patti died in 1992.
2. The shop was taken over by Joe's son FRANK. (Hmmm... Frank, a coincendence? I think not)Following an IRS audit and a slow speed OJ style chase that ended with a crash into a local train landmark, Frank Patti was pulled from his vehicle suffering from severe seizures and convulsions. After months of medical examinations for an unusual and doubtful case of amnesia he was sentenced to federal prison for tax evasion.
3. Frank Patti is no longer "on the inside". He was released from prison in 2006 and can now be seen daily fishmongering at the Joe Patti Seafood Co.
As a footnote:
I tried lying on the ground and convulsing the last time I was pulled over by a Alabama state trooper and all I ended up with was a pop knot on the back of my head from the officers night stick, hundreds of bites from red ants, and $250 ticket for doing 87 in a 55.
-Stu
Let me see if I can summarize this mess we find ourselves in.
1) A dead guy, masquerading as his once incarcerated son who runs the family fish market, writes in to the blog
2) A person who looks like Stu, but with a full head of hair, is seen in the mirror of a photograph that is said to be doctored by the Gulf Breeze Police Department, and
3) I am accused of unsafe driving technique, drinking girly coffee, and shooting pictures of lucky Japanese charms with a very expensive camera.
I'll let you sift out the truth.
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